Long overdue update!!

trigger warning : mention of domestic abuse

hi guys, it’s been a minute!

Thought it might be fun to update this blog given it’s been 6 years now since my last update.

A lot has changed since I last posted. 

I left the role working for the emergency services a few years ago and I’ve finally been able to start helping people and using my mental health experience to do so. I now work as a therapist delivering cognitive behavioural therapy. Only taken 8 years and a further degree but we did it! 

I’m also aware that I’m neurodivergent now. Diagnosed with a few things and awaiting assessment. That helped make sense of a lot of difficulties I’ve had in life. 

I now have two pets of my own, a Labrador and a house cat. 

And the partner I was with in 2020… well where to start lol.

We split in November 2025 after 6 years. A lot happened during that time. A lot of promises were made and broken. I’ve been through a lot of heartache, betrayal, and abuse during and after the relationship. So much so I had to seek advice from agencies for things I never thought would happen to me.

2025 was the year from hell. I slipped into a different kind of depression last year, the kind that comes from being emotionally abused and feeling unsafe. The kind that comes from being broken down over years and trained to ignore your own needs and put someone else’s first . So yes, those patterns of abandoning yourself are bloody hard to break. 

Sometimes people do things and you accept them because you love them and you’d do anything to make it work, to have the future you’ve spent the last 4 years hoping you were heading for.

And in no way do I say that I was not a part of the breakdown of things. But what I do know is this: I spent a long time blaming myself for things in that relationship. I will not be doing it now I am free. I never did anything to cause him harm/fear. Not in the ways that he did.

This year has brought its own challenges: I’ve been learning in real time how to regulate my nervous system. How to deal with unravelling codependency. How to stand up for myself and have boundaries and not feel guilty. And how to not react to things that previously would have gotten a huge response from me.

Sometimes for your own wellbeing it really is simpler to shut the door on someone. You don’t need to explain. You don’t need to reason. Some people are dedicated to misunderstanding you. 

And sometimes you have to learn to be ok with it. You have to learn to be ok with being painted as a villain. But the people who matter and have consistently seen who you are over time, they know the truth.

But moving on- I’m now in my happily alone single girl era. I’ve moved back to the city I love where my friends are. I have finally been able to walk away from my ex and cut all contact. It only took me till I was almost 30 to finally stop trying to chase boys and waste time convincing them I was worthy. When really it should have been them doing that to me the whole time. I can say that I am in a much better place mentally now. I love myself finally. And it was hard to read some of my previous blogs and hear how depressed I was. How much I worried about things I had no control of.

Maybe being a therapist has helped. Maybe it was me deciding I deserve happiness and peace, and actually I’m not a bad person after all.

You are worthy of a life that you envision for yourself. And you can only control your actions in this world, you can’t make someone else change or see things differently. Not unless they want to. And for some people that would require too much effort, too much accountability and introspection and that’s frightening for them. So leave them in the dust. Go and find something or someone who matches you where you are and where you want to be going. 

Take someone at face value. Listen to your nervous system and what it’s telling you. And never ignore your intuition/gut feeling. It’s giving you insight that your brain hasn’t caught up to yet.

I can finally say I am somewhat happy. Yes I have bad days of anxiety and I still overthink and get stressed. Sometimes I still feel very angry at people. Some days I support people at work through domestic abuse and I feel triggered. But the impact these emotions have on me is becoming so much less. I look at the life I am building and the independence and freedom I have, and I’m happy. 

And I deserve to be happy.